| A wise man once said, "If you ignore something | | | | message along to someone else, soon the world |
| long enough, eventually it will go away." Actually, | | | | will be a sane place once again. |
| he said it several times, but nobody listened so he | | | | A "retired" Beanie Baby, one that has been taken |
| left.That old saw is one reason I've never done a | | | | out of circulation, can go for a thousand times its |
| column on Beanie Babies. I thought that if I could | | | | original cost. A complete collection of Beanie |
| just resist the urge to poke fun and ignore their | | | | Babies (600 in all) is valued at $100,000. Here are |
| existence long enough, they would eventually go | | | | the top ten most valuable.As further proof of the |
| the way of Cabbage Patch Dolls and Tickle Me | | | | need for an organization like Beanie Babies |
| Elmos. Of course, ignoring them didn't work and I | | | | Anonymous,read the following transcripts and |
| should have known better. I've been ignoring my | | | | media accounts of how Beanie Baby Mania is |
| kids for years and they're still around, standing | | | | affecting our world.From the Disassociated Press: |
| right outside the bathroom door, pounding on it, | | | | OAK BROOK, IL (DP): Shares in McDonald's Corp. |
| asking me what I'm reading in there. My oldest | | | | rose to a 52-week high Wednesday in response |
| caught me looking at the newspaper on the front | | | | to the news that the fastfood giant will stop |
| porch the other day and asked if I shouldn't be | | | | selling food effective immediately and will instead |
| doing that in private. I think it's time to talk | | | | become the nations top retailer of Beanie Babies. |
| boarding school. Russian boarding school. But first, | | | | McDonald's stock jumped over three dollars per |
| comrade, back to the subject at hand.I think | | | | share after the announcement. A company |
| Beanie Babies are cute, cuddly little creatures, and | | | | spokesman said, "Nobody wants our food |
| I will admit to having spent a few of my hard- | | | | anymore, but everybody wants Beanie Babies. |
| earned dollars on Beanies for my baby girl to play | | | | The change just makes sense."Tom Brokaw, NBC |
| with (I can hear many of you screaming, "They're | | | | Nightly News: |
| not meant to be played with!"). But never have I | | | | "Addressing a large crowd in Lahore, Pakistan on |
| sat outside a McDonald's at two in the morning | | | | Saturday, Pakistani Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif |
| waiting for it to open so I could get an Egg | | | | defended his country's decision to detonate six |
| McMuffin and a Teenie Beanie to go. And I | | | | nuclear devices last week and said that Pakistan |
| apologize in advance if I insult anyone, but I think | | | | will continue nuclear testing until India signs the "No |
| people who go to such great lengths to buy a | | | | Nuke" test treaty and the Ty Corporation gives |
| child's toy need help. And that's what this column | | | | every man, woman and child in Pakistan a Nana |
| is all about.You see, my sister, a normally sane, | | | | the Monkey Beanie Baby. More now from |
| rational human being, is awash in the Beanie Baby | | | | Christiana Amonpour in Lahore..."Bernard Shaw, |
| craze. She has tiny synthetic pellets racing through | | | | CNN Headline News: |
| her veins and they are starting to affect every | | | | "This just in: Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr |
| facet of her life. She is the reason I am willing to | | | | has announced that he is issuing subpoenas to |
| break my vow of ignorance and speak out | | | | executives of the Ty Corporation, the company |
| against these demons in plush clothing. The | | | | that markets Beanie Babies. Starr claims his |
| thought of her sitting outside a Hallmark store at | | | | investigations have revealed that President Clinton |
| three in the morning staring blindly at a dog- | | | | gave Monica Lewinsky a 'Grunt the Razorback Pig' |
| eared copy of "The Beanie Baby Bible" just sends | | | | Beanie Baby as a gift after a sexual encounter in |
| chills down my spine. The woman needs help, my | | | | the White House."Mike Wallace, 60 Minutes: |
| friends, and I am willing to take on the task at | | | | "The Ty Corporation, the company that sells |
| hand.So, to help my dear sister and the millions of | | | | Beanie Babies, is so secretive that not even the |
| others who have fallen under the spell of Beanie | | | | US government knows who is in charge. The |
| Baby mania, I am officially founding Beanie Babies | | | | company continually refused our requests for |
| Anonymous, an organization dedicated to helping | | | | interviews and, in an anonymously-signed |
| you just say no to Beanie Babies. BBA will follow | | | | statement, said that, quote, '...if you do not |
| a simple 4-step program designed to help even | | | | immediately cease with your investigation into our |
| the most severely- addicted junkie kick his/her | | | | operation we will have no choice but to send out |
| Beanie Baby habit.Here are the 4 steps of BBA. | | | | a very large blue bear to bite your head off.' |
| Follow them to the letter and soon your life will | | | | Unquote."Dan Rather, CBS Evening News: |
| be yours to live again:Step 1) | | | | "Good evening. The bottom fell out of the Beanie |
| Admit you have a problem: The first step in any | | | | Baby market today when it was revealed that |
| recovery program is admitting that you have a | | | | the man in charge of the Ty Corporation, the |
| problem. Here are the three warning signs of | | | | mysterious company behind the popular line of |
| Beanie Baby Addiction. If you can relate to at | | | | plush toys, is none other than Microsoft CEO Bill |
| least one of them, you are a Beanie Baby | | | | Gates himself. Competing manufacturers of teddy |
| Junkie.(1) You would willingly camp out all night | | | | bears and other plush toys have come out |
| outside a McDonald's in the highest crime district in | | | | accusing Gates of trying to monopolize the plush |
| town just to be the first in line on Teenie Beanie | | | | toy industry, prompting the Justice Department to |
| day. | | | | order an immediate investigation."Alright, I made |
| (2) You have no qualms about snatching Beanie | | | | those up. But the following accounts are real, as |
| Babies from the hands of little children and if it | | | | reported by the Associated Press:Forty guns |
| makes them cry, well tough patootie! And | | | | were handed over to police in Kanakakee, Ill., in |
| (3) If you can't swing a dead cat (is there a dead | | | | exchange for Teenie Beanie Babies, miniature |
| cat Beanie?) anywhere in your house without | | | | versions of Beanie Babies given out by McDonald's |
| hitting a display of Beanie Babies, you have a | | | | as a Happy Meals premium. The |
| problem. A big problem. | | | | no-questions-asked swap brought in 23 pistols and |
| Step 2) | | | | 17 shotguns in one day.In an attempt to thwart |
| Admit that your addiction is harmful to others: | | | | the smuggling in of Beanie Babies available only in |
| You've probably been too busy feeding that | | | | Canada, the U.S. Customs Service strictly |
| Beanie Baby monkey on your back to notice that | | | | enforces a one-Beanie rule. "A consumer is |
| the rest of your life has gone to pot. Your | | | | allowed to have one Beanie Baby for personal use |
| addiction not only affects you, but those closest | | | | every 30 days,'' says Customs officer Ralph |
| to you. Have your children moved in with relatives | | | | Hackney. Any more are subject to |
| because you forgot to fix dinner eighteen nights in | | | | seizure.Customs agents seized an incoming |
| a row because you were busy dusting the tags in | | | | shipment at O'Hare International Airport last |
| your Beanies' ears? Did you angrily take the | | | | December. Their catch: 456 imitations of Beanie |
| family dog to the pound and order them to "Gas | | | | Babies. Most were fake versions of "Grunt," the |
| the SOB!" just because he growled at your | | | | toy red razorback pig that is considered a |
| Princess Di Beanie Bear? Have you been served | | | | collector's items and sells for as much as $130 |
| with divorce papers that contain the phrase | | | | each.The Minnesota Better Business Bureau runs a |
| "refuses to consummate marriage because it | | | | Beanie Baby hotline to warn consumers of |
| would disturb Happy the Hippo's nap?" If so, you | | | | suspected counterfeits. |
| owe everyone you know a big apology, especially | | | | Basketball's Philadelphia 76ers handed out 5,000 |
| your dog, God rest his soul. | | | | Beanies to children 12 and under during a game |
| Step 3) | | | | this year against the Golden State Warriors. It |
| Cast the snake from the garden: This is perhaps | | | | was only the second sellout game of the 76ers |
| the most difficult, yet most important mile | | | | season. The other was against the Michael Jordan |
| marker on the road to recovery. This is where | | | | and the Bulls.A crowd of thousands lined up |
| you rid your life of the furry, little monsters that | | | | outside a store in San Mateo, Calif., for the |
| have almost driven you to the point of no return. | | | | chance to buy new and retired Beanie Babies at |
| Follow my directions to the letter and do it | | | | below-market prices. The store gave out tickets, |
| quickly, without thinking, because if you stop to | | | | then called out random numbers. Those selected |
| think about what you're doing, your addiction will | | | | got to go in and buy the toys for $5.99 |
| take the upper hand and you will be lost again. | | | | each.Burglars broke into a suburban Chicago home |
| With that in mind, here is the biggest step you | | | | in mid-April. They left the TV, stereo and most |
| must take: Box up every Beanie Baby you own, | | | | other valuables, but made off with a gold ring and |
| especially Peanut the Elephant and Brownie the | | | | a number of Beanie Babies, all valued at $4,000.In |
| Bear, and send them to me, Tim Knox, Director | | | | Orange County, California, owners of a collectibles |
| of Beanie Babies Anonymous, in care of this | | | | shop were treated and released for head injuries |
| website. Send me your kids' Beanie Babies, too! I | | | | in early April after being clubbed with an iron |
| will take these vile creatures and dispose of them | | | | barbell by thieves who made off with $6,000 |
| for you free of charge so that they will never | | | | worth of rare Beanie Babies.The final divorce |
| infect the lives of normal people again. Don't | | | | decree for Randy and Jan Staffan of Minneapolis |
| forget, box them up and send them to me as | | | | stated that he got the house, much of its |
| soon as possible. I guarantee that both our lives | | | | furnishings, and a few vehicles. She got to keep |
| will be enriched. | | | | her salon business and half the couple's Beanie |
| Step 4) Spread the gospel to others: This is the | | | | Babies.Shocking, isn't it? Friends, let's stop this |
| final step in overcoming Beanie Baby Addiction. | | | | madness before it's too late.Send those Beanie |
| You must go out into the world and tell everyone | | | | Babies to me today!From "Small Business Q&A" |
| you meet the story of your addiction. Give | | | | With Tim Knox |
| witness to the masses. Show them the light. Have | | | | Tim Knox is a nationally-known entrepreneur, |
| them send their Beanie Babies to me. You are | | | | author, speaker, and radio show host. |
| getting sleepy... Remember, if you can change the | | | | Tim has helped hundreds of entrepreneurs realize |
| life of just one person and they in turn pass the | | | | their business dreams. |