| A wise man once said, "If you ignore
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| | and they in turn pass the message along
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| something long enough, eventually it will
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| | to someone else, soon the world will be a
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| go away." Actually, he said it several
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| | sane place once again.
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| times, but nobody listened so he
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| | A "retired" Beanie Baby, one that has
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| left.That old saw is one reason I've
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| | been taken out of circulation, can go for
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| never done a column on Beanie Babies. I
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| | a thousand times its original cost. A
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| thought that if I could just resist the
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| | complete collection of Beanie Babies (600
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| urge to poke fun and ignore their
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| | in all) is valued at $100,000. Here are
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| existence long enough, they would
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| | the top ten most valuable.As further
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| eventually go the way of Cabbage Patch
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| | proof of the need for an organization
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| Dolls and Tickle Me Elmos. Of course,
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| | like Beanie Babies Anonymous,read the
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| ignoring them didn't work and I should
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| | following transcripts and media accounts
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| have known better. I've been ignoring my
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| | of how Beanie Baby Mania is affecting our
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| kids for years and they're still around,
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| | world.From the Disassociated Press:
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| standing right outside the bathroom door,
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| | OAK BROOK, IL (DP): Shares in McDonald's
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| pounding on it, asking me what I'm
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| | Corp. rose to a 52-week high Wednesday in
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| reading in there. My oldest caught me
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| | response to the news that the fastfood
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| looking at the newspaper on the front
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| | giant will stop selling food effective
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| porch the other day and asked if I
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| | immediately and will instead become the
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| shouldn't be doing that in private. I
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| | nations top retailer of Beanie Babies.
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| think it's time to talk boarding school.
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| | McDonald's stock jumped over three
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| Russian boarding school. But first,
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| | dollars per share after the announcement.
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| comrade, back to the subject at hand.I
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| | A company spokesman said, "Nobody wants
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| think Beanie Babies are cute, cuddly
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| | our food anymore, but everybody wants
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| little creatures, and I will admit to
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| | Beanie Babies. The change just makes
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| having spent a few of my hard- earned
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| | sense."Tom Brokaw, NBC Nightly News:
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| dollars on Beanies for my baby girl to
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| | "Addressing a large crowd in Lahore,
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| play with (I can hear many of you
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| | Pakistan on Saturday, Pakistani Prime
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| screaming, "They're not meant to be
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| | Minister Nawaz Sharif defended his
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| played with!"). But never have I sat
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| | country's decision to detonate six
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| outside a McDonald's at two in the
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| | nuclear devices last week and said that
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| morning waiting for it to open so I could
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| | Pakistan will continue nuclear testing
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| get an Egg McMuffin and a Teenie Beanie
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| | until India signs the "No Nuke" test
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| to go. And I apologize in advance if I
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| | treaty and the Ty Corporation gives every
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| insult anyone, but I think people who go
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| | man, woman and child in Pakistan a Nana
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| to such great lengths to buy a child's
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| | the Monkey Beanie Baby. More now from
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| toy need help. And that's what this
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| | Christiana Amonpour in Lahore..."Bernard
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| column is all about.You see, my sister, a
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| | Shaw, CNN Headline News:
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| normally sane, rational human being, is
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| | "This just in: Independent Counsel
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| awash in the Beanie Baby craze. She has
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| | Kenneth Starr has announced that he is
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| tiny synthetic pellets racing through her
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| | issuing subpoenas to executives of the Ty
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| veins and they are starting to affect
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| | Corporation, the company that markets
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| every facet of her life. She is the
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| | Beanie Babies. Starr claims his
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| reason I am willing to break my vow of
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| | investigations have revealed that
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| ignorance and speak out against these
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| | President Clinton gave Monica Lewinsky a
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| demons in plush clothing. The thought of
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| | 'Grunt the Razorback Pig' Beanie Baby as
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| her sitting outside a Hallmark store at
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| | a gift after a sexual encounter in the
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| three in the morning staring blindly at a
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| | White House."Mike Wallace, 60 Minutes:
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| dog- eared copy of "The Beanie Baby
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| | "The Ty Corporation, the company that
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| Bible" just sends chills down my spine.
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| | sells Beanie Babies, is so secretive that
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| The woman needs help, my friends, and I
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| | not even the US government knows who is
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| am willing to take on the task at
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| | in charge. The company continually
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| hand.So, to help my dear sister and the
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| | refused our requests for interviews and,
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| millions of others who have fallen under
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| | in an anonymously-signed statement, said
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| the spell of Beanie Baby mania, I am
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| | that, quote, '...if you do not
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| officially founding Beanie Babies
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| | immediately cease with your investigation
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| Anonymous, an organization dedicated to
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| | into our operation we will have no choice
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| helping you just say no to Beanie Babies.
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| | but to send out a very large blue bear to
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| BBA will follow a simple 4-step program
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| | bite your head off.' Unquote."Dan Rather,
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| designed to help even the most severely-
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| | CBS Evening News:
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| addicted junkie kick his/her Beanie Baby
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| | "Good evening. The bottom fell out of
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| habit.Here are the 4 steps of BBA. Follow
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| | the Beanie Baby market today when it was
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| them to the letter and soon your life
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| | revealed that the man in charge of the Ty
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| will be yours to live again:Step 1)
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| | Corporation, the mysterious company
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| Admit you have a problem: The first step
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| | behind the popular line of plush toys, is
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| in any recovery program is admitting that
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| | none other than Microsoft CEO Bill Gates
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| you have a problem. Here are the three
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| | himself. Competing manufacturers of teddy
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| warning signs of Beanie Baby Addiction.
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| | bears and other plush toys have come out
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| If you can relate to at least one of
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| | accusing Gates of trying to monopolize
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| them, you are a Beanie Baby Junkie.(1)
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| | the plush toy industry, prompting the
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| You would willingly camp out all night
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| | Justice Department to order an immediate
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| outside a McDonald's in the highest crime
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| | investigation."Alright, I made those up.
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| district in town just to be the first in
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| | But the following accounts are real, as
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| line on Teenie Beanie day.
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| | reported by the Associated Press:Forty
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| (2) You have no qualms about snatching
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| | guns were handed over to police in
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| Beanie Babies from the hands of little
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| | Kanakakee, Ill., in exchange for Teenie
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| children and if it makes them cry, well
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| | Beanie Babies, miniature versions of
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| tough patootie! And
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| | Beanie Babies given out by McDonald's as
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| (3) If you can't swing a dead cat (is
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| | a Happy Meals premium. The
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| there a dead cat Beanie?) anywhere in
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| | no-questions-asked swap brought in 23
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| your house without hitting a display of
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| | pistols and 17 shotguns in one day.In an
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| Beanie Babies, you have a problem. A big
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| | attempt to thwart the smuggling in of
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| problem.
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| | Beanie Babies available only in Canada,
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| Step 2)
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| | the U.S. Customs Service strictly
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| Admit that your addiction is harmful to
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| | enforces a one-Beanie rule. "A consumer
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| others: You've probably been too busy
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| | is allowed to have one Beanie Baby for
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| feeding that Beanie Baby monkey on your
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| | personal use every 30 days,'' says
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| back to notice that the rest of your life
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| | Customs officer Ralph Hackney. Any more
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| has gone to pot. Your addiction not only
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| | are subject to seizure.Customs agents
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| affects you, but those closest to you.
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| | seized an incoming shipment at O'Hare
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| Have your children moved in with
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| | International Airport last December.
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| relatives because you forgot to fix
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| | Their catch: 456 imitations of Beanie
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| dinner eighteen nights in a row because
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| | Babies. Most were fake versions of
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| you were busy dusting the tags in your
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| | "Grunt," the toy red razorback pig that
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| Beanies' ears? Did you angrily take the
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| | is considered a collector's items and
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| family dog to the pound and order them to
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| | sells for as much as $130 each.The
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| "Gas the SOB!" just because he growled at
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| | Minnesota Better Business Bureau runs a
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| your Princess Di Beanie Bear? Have you
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| | Beanie Baby hotline to warn consumers of
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| been served with divorce papers that
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| | suspected counterfeits.
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| contain the phrase "refuses to consummate
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| | Basketball's Philadelphia 76ers handed
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| marriage because it would disturb Happy
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| | out 5,000 Beanies to children 12 and
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| the Hippo's nap?" If so, you owe everyone
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| | under during a game this year against the
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| you know a big apology, especially your
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| | Golden State Warriors. It was only the
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| dog, God rest his soul.
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| | second sellout game of the 76ers season.
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| Step 3)
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| | The other was against the Michael Jordan
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| Cast the snake from the garden: This is
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| | and the Bulls.A crowd of thousands lined
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| perhaps the most difficult, yet most
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| | up outside a store in San Mateo, Calif.,
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| important mile marker on the road to
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| | for the chance to buy new and retired
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| recovery. This is where you rid your life
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| | Beanie Babies at below-market prices. The
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| of the furry, little monsters that have
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| | store gave out tickets, then called out
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| almost driven you to the point of no
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| | random numbers. Those selected got to go
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| return. Follow my directions to the
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| | in and buy the toys for $5.99
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| letter and do it quickly, without
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| | each.Burglars broke into a suburban
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| thinking, because if you stop to think
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| | Chicago home in mid-April. They left the
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| about what you're doing, your addiction
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| | TV, stereo and most other valuables, but
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| will take the upper hand and you will be
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| | made off with a gold ring and a number of
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| lost again. With that in mind, here is
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| | Beanie Babies, all valued at $4,000.In
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| the biggest step you must take: Box up
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| | Orange County, California, owners of a
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| every Beanie Baby you own, especially
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| | collectibles shop were treated and
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| Peanut the Elephant and Brownie the Bear,
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| | released for head injuries in early April
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| and send them to me, Tim Knox, Director
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| | after being clubbed with an iron barbell
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| of Beanie Babies Anonymous, in care of
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| | by thieves who made off with $6,000 worth
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| this website. Send me your kids' Beanie
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| | of rare Beanie Babies.The final divorce
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| Babies, too! I will take these vile
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| | decree for Randy and Jan Staffan of
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| creatures and dispose of them for you
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| | Minneapolis stated that he got the house,
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| free of charge so that they will never
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| | much of its furnishings, and a few
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| infect the lives of normal people again.
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| | vehicles. She got to keep her salon
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| Don't forget, box them up and send them
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| | business and half the couple's Beanie
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| to me as soon as possible. I guarantee
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| | Babies.Shocking, isn't it? Friends, let's
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| that both our lives will be enriched.
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| | stop this madness before it's too
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| Step 4) Spread the gospel to others:
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| | late.Send those Beanie Babies to me
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| This is the final step in overcoming
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| | today!From "Small Business Q&A" With Tim
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| Beanie Baby Addiction. You must go out
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| | Knox
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| into the world and tell everyone you meet
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| | Tim Knox is a nationally-known
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| the story of your addiction. Give witness
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| | entrepreneur, author, speaker, and radio
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| to the masses. Show them the light. Have
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| | show host.
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| them send their Beanie Babies to me. You
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| | Tim has helped hundreds of entrepreneurs
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| are getting sleepy... Remember, if you
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| | realize their business dreams.
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| can change the life of just one person
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| |
|
