| Most of the advice on making conversation I've | | | | types of experiences that they've had (e.g., if you |
| come across focuses on what to say and how to | | | | want to understand macho competitive people |
| say it. You know: make eye contact, ask | | | | then play some sports and read material on |
| open-ended questions, be a good listener, be | | | | sports strategy and coaching).Read, read, read, |
| up-to-date on current news and events, avoid | | | | learn, learn, learnThe more random stuff you |
| loaded topics, etc.I'm going to pull back and look | | | | have floating around in your head, the easier it is |
| at some of the 'bigger picture' factors that can | | | | to chat with people. If you have enough stuff |
| affect how easy it is to talk to others. I'll give | | | | stored away in there then pretty much anything |
| some 'bigger picture' advice on making | | | | someone says will remind you of something |
| conversation as well.There are factors that help | | | | interesting you can contribute.A couple of times |
| or hinder a conversation before it startsWhen it | | | | I've been reading about some obscure topic |
| comes to social interactions, I'm a big believer in | | | | earlier in the day out of my own interest only to |
| the idea of 'the outcome of a battle is decided | | | | have it come up in a conversation that very |
| before it even starts'. When you chat to a bro | | | | night.That 'je ne sais que' lack of rapport with |
| from work or a cute girl at a party, many of the | | | | peopleWe've all been in conversations where |
| factors that determine how well the conversation | | | | there's just an awkwardness in the air that you |
| will go are already in place. Some of them | | | | can't quite put your finger on. Talking to the other |
| are:Your basic personality, skills, interests, | | | | person is like pulling teeth.Often this lack of |
| knowledge, outlook on life, etc.How you come | | | | rapport is because the two people are put off by |
| across to people and the overall impression you | | | | each other in some subtle way. They perceive |
| make.This will determine things like whether | | | | each other to have values or traits that they |
| people want to talk to you, for how long, the | | | | don't like.This can also happen when too people |
| attitude they bring to the table, topics they'll bring | | | | don't like each other but are forced by their |
| up or avoid, etc.How eager the other person is to | | | | circumstances to be around each other.It also |
| talk to you. Related to the point above. They | | | | happens when two people seem superficially |
| decide this on their impression of you, their | | | | similar, but on a more subtle level are actually |
| previous experience with you, their previous | | | | from different worlds.It's a bit hard to explain, but |
| experience with similar people, any preconceived | | | | one place where you can see this is in office |
| notions they have about you, etc. Also included | | | | environments between the people who make the |
| here are things beyond your control like what kind | | | | products (R&D, Programming, Tech Writing) and |
| of mood they're in, etc.Whether you have | | | | the people who sell them (Sales, Marketing).If |
| anything in common or to talk about with the | | | | there are certain types of people you have |
| person.Whether you're off-putting or intimidating | | | | trouble talking to try to get in their shoes and see |
| to the other person in some way. Things like | | | | where they're coming from. No one is really that |
| being very good-looking, having a higher career or | | | | bad once you get to know them.Take the |
| social status, or having a certain reputation can | | | | attitude that you will have to pull most of the |
| intimidate people. Things like having a bad attitude, | | | | weight in the conversationIf you're half-decent at |
| a weird personality, being awkward or creepy, | | | | talking to people this is often true. Many people |
| being much less cool than the person you're | | | | are awkward at making conversation to one |
| talking to, and bad dressing and grooming habits | | | | degree or another.It also puts the onus on you to |
| will put people off you. When people are | | | | develop your conversational skills and become |
| intimidated or put-off by someone they're more | | | | more interesting.Don't worry too much about the |
| tongue-tied.Conversation flows out of who you | | | | technical detailsIf the bigger picture factors are |
| are as a personYou're your own conversation | | | | solid, then you can get away with a lot when it |
| generator. Someone who is cheerful, sociable, | | | | comes to the little technical details. For example I |
| knowledgeable, witty, and interested in a lot of | | | | have a bad habit of not making eye contact |
| things will naturally have better conversations than | | | | that's a hold over from my years of being shy |
| someone who is depressed, negative, and kind of | | | | and inhibited. It would be better if I did make eye |
| boring.If you think of conversations you've had, | | | | contact, but I can get by well enough without |
| you never really had to think of what to say, it all | | | | it.Making artful segues are another thing you can |
| just popped into your head.How you say | | | | often ignore. Just going ..."Oh yeah" or "...oh, I just |
| something is as important as what you | | | | remembered" is fine as long as they don't come |
| saySomeone who's naturally funny/insightful/a | | | | totally out of left field.Even lulls and long silences |
| good story teller/etc. can take the same basic | | | | are no biggie.Sometimes people just come to the |
| material as someone else and, as if they're | | | | end of a tangent and they both have to take a |
| running it through a filter, make it more | | | | second to figure out what to say next.Both |
| interesting.Conversations don't have to have any | | | | people may just want to be quiet and relax for a |
| goals or proper progressionReading some other | | | | second.A particularly interesting or profound point |
| advice on making conversation, you can get the | | | | may require both people to pause and digest it |
| impression that it has a certain structure and goal. | | | | for a moment before it sinks in.Obvious lesson |
| Like first you must make small talk. Then you | | | | one more time:Take a look at yourself and see if |
| must move deeper. The goal is to get the know | | | | there are any bigger picture factors you can |
| the person and connect with them.That's definitely | | | | improve to make future conversations go |
| true at times, but often they're just fun for their | | | | better.People who have trouble with conversations |
| own sake. Shooting the shit and joking around or | | | | often have trouble in these areas. Ask yourself:Is |
| talking about something interesting is also | | | | there anything about your personality or attitude |
| preferable to being bored at work or standing | | | | that could use a tune-up?Could you improve the |
| around and not talking.I have friends I've never | | | | impression you give off to other people, perhaps |
| really 'connected' with. We just hang out and joke | | | | by changing your look?Are your interests a bit |
| around and talk shit about random superficial | | | | out of sync with what most people are into?Are |
| topics that interest us. It's great.Having something | | | | you so socially inexperienced that you're |
| in common you both want to talk about is a big | | | | uncomfortable and unfamiliar with most types of |
| key to conversing easilyThe key phrase is 'that | | | | people?Are you so socially inexperienced that |
| you both want to talk about'.There are certain | | | | you're too lacking in commonalities with most |
| things most people are interested in. Things like | | | | people?Hope this helps!A final random thought: In |
| sports, movies, t.v. shows, music, and pop culture | | | | books and articles about making conversation, |
| gossip.If you can figure out the particular sport | | | | why are the example phrases they give you |
| current movie/good t.v. show/new band/stupid | | | | always so long? |
| thing some celebrity did that someone is | | | | You know, they'll say things like: "It's important to |
| interested in you can take off and start gabbing | | | | ask open-ended questions. A good tip is to ask |
| about it effortlessly.It's a big benefit to be | | | | about a current topic in the news such as:"I was |
| up-to-date and interested in these things.Some | | | | reading the paper the other day and I saw an |
| other popular topics when people start getting | | | | interesting story. It explained that the fallout from |
| older are kids, work, and money.Another key is | | | | the United States government's nuclear bomb |
| being comfortable with the other personYou'll | | | | testing in Nevada in the 1950's is still in the soil and |
| have trouble thinking of things to say if you're not | | | | may be causing Hispanic women in their 30's and |
| comfortable talking to someone or that type of | | | | 40's to be more likely to develop ovarian cysts. |
| person. When you're familiar with someone the | | | | What do you think about nuclear fallout and it's |
| words flow much more easily.If certain types of | | | | consequential environmental impact on subsequent |
| people make you uncomfortable then aim to | | | | generations?"Why not keep it brief and say |
| understand and get used to them. You can do | | | | something like: "Did you read that fallout story? |
| this by hanging around them or by digesting the | | | | What do you think??? |