| The Santa Clause Factory may have to close its | | | | and both have posted some of the largest |
| doors after 90 years. It turns out they can no | | | | corporate losses on record in the last year. "It's |
| longer get insurance for their facilities. The missile | | | | been a tough year on us as well," said Mrs. Claus |
| defense shield has been cancelled and Iran's | | | | the comptroller and official board member; |
| President has threatened to "blow Christmas off | | | | "This year none of us have taken corporate |
| the map." Unfortunately, "Christmas is right here, | | | | bonuses, and we can't operate without our |
| this is where it all starts, we make toys here | | | | insurance. "AIG the company's previous insurer |
| 10-months out of the year for the big day, and | | | | was under government scrutiny, and the Geiko |
| we are also contracted to do Hanukkah now and | | | | gecko salesman didn't even want to come up |
| that means December is a big business month." | | | | here to talk to us; "It's too cold up there for me," |
| As you might recall last year Santa Claus LLC | | | | and so they are without insurance." |
| beat out both FED EX Home Delivery and UPS | | | | All this due to unresolved diplomatic talks on Iran's |
| for the Hanukkah contract, which is worth $310 | | | | nuclear weapons and uranium enrichment facility, |
| of millions and it covers some 8.5% of the | | | | so Santa offered to pick up the already enriched |
| World's Children. FED EX lost the bid due to a | | | | uranium and deliver it to Russia, so it could be |
| dispute with the IRS over the "independent | | | | stored and used only for peaceful nuclear power |
| contractor" or employee issue (that case was | | | | generation, but the IAEA, said they can't find it, |
| reversed, but Santa Corp has the contract. As | | | | and Iran continues to make threats. Meanwhile, |
| you know all of Santa's elves and rain deer are | | | | the Obama Administration would not return Mrs. |
| actual employees of the company. UPS failed to | | | | Claus phone call because Mr. Obama was busy |
| meet the contract because the Unions would not | | | | doing a late night talk show interview to boost his |
| work holidays without triple overtime pay. | | | | slipping poll ratings. |
| Both FED EX and UPS have since raised prices, | | | | There will be no Christmas this year. |