| That was the question on the lips of all | | | | to take man to Mars. When Uncle Sam peeped |
| Americans when Uncle Sam's country saw "hell | | | | across to Russia's neighbor, Chechnya and |
| fire" on September 11, 2001. Uncle Sam was | | | | asks if he was welcome, they pointedly said |
| surprised beyond measure because he thinks | | | | no. Because America turned a blind eye as |
| that his country has done so much for the | | | | Russia pounded away at separatists in |
| world. He counts American's contribution on | | | | Chechnya. Who is then America's friend? Uncle |
| his fingers: champion of free speech, and | | | | Sam wondered. |
| fundamental human rights, exporter of | | | | |
| democracy, giver of food and financial aids, | | | | He goes to the Middle East to find out why |
| and this new role—fighter of | | | | they hate America. And his ears were full. He |
| terrorists—to make the world a safe | | | | was told how Israel gunned down the |
| place to live. So, why do they hate us? Asks | | | | Palestians in their thousands and dug a |
| Uncle Sam. | | | | trench around their beloved Yasser Arafat, |
| | | | while Uncle Sam looked away. And now America |
| And in order to find out the answer to this | | | | has sworn to bomb Iraq and negotiate with |
| troubling question, he goes to sample | | | | North Korea, even when the former says that |
| people's opinion on America. And the answers | | | | they do not have dangerous weapons, while the |
| he gets surprise him. | | | | latter is daring to strike America! (the |
| | | | definition of double standards). And to think |
| In Africa, he was told that he has not even | | | | that there are many nations possessing |
| started. The Africans told him that the food | | | | nuclear weapons, and even threatening to use |
| grains he was shipping to them were | | | | them against each other. (Ask India and |
| poisonous. They even said that the help is | | | | Pakistan) .And no one is talking of disarming |
| politically motivated, for the food was sent | | | | them. (In fact the Arabs say that the UN |
| to the countries of dictators who are chasing | | | | should disarm America). |
| white farmers all over the place. So they | | | | |
| said Uncle Sam was only trying to demonize | | | | Uncle Sam than goes to Europe to meet his |
| these heads of state, while playing the Santa | | | | traditional friends. But it was like ALICE IN |
| Claus. When he reminded them about the money | | | | WONDERLAND. Because even these reject him. |
| that America has invested in fighting | | | | For France and Germany (even Germany) say |
| diseases in Africa, he was booed. For they | | | | that Uncle Sam is flaunting himself all over |
| say that it was like a drop in the ocean, | | | | the place, and that they would not allow him |
| saying that the continent is used for | | | | to lord over them. Hearing this, Uncle Sam |
| experimenting dangerous AIDS vaccines. Even | | | | ran a great run to the Americas, his |
| the economic package, called the African | | | | territory. |
| Growth and Opportunity Act, was dubbed a | | | | |
| selfish initiative that would benefit only | | | | Now, when he asked to know if his neighbors |
| the Americans. | | | | love him, they answered in the negative. They |
| | | | say that America's financial aid is selfish |
| So, Uncle Sam left the African continent. Not | | | | because it is using it to perpetuate its |
| that he was annoyed. But he felt that these | | | | political and economic interests. After all, |
| "uneducated" Africans didn't understand | | | | Uncle Sam sees all the dictators in South |
| things. Or they were ungrateful. | | | | America and does nothing. They said that |
| | | | America is fighting the drug war in Latin |
| His next stop was South East Asia. But he was | | | | America in order to provide safe haven for |
| similarly surprised to learn that these | | | | Uncle Sam. |
| Asians were saying that Uncle Sam was not | | | | |
| paying close attention to the political | | | | So, what would Uncle Sam do to please the |
| development of these lands. The Philipians | | | | world? Solve the world's political, economic, |
| didn't even like his full control of the war | | | | and social problems. Listen to the world. And |
| against the fundamentalists in their country. | | | | never do a thing that would make the world to |
| He couldn't understand these Asians. Perhaps, | | | | march against America. |
| they didn't want another Vietnam. | | | | |
| | | | Uncle Sam sat down and meditated, at the end |
| Uncle Sam therefore, heads to Russia in his | | | | of his great quest on why they hate us, and |
| search to the question: Why do they hate us? | | | | wondered how he would be able to solve the |
| But the Russians were even more resentful. | | | | world's multifaceted problems. And for |
| Because they blame him for the break-up of | | | | inspiration, he remembers the Star-Spangled |
| the former Soviet Union saying that America | | | | Banner, and the song: God bless America. And |
| tricked Mikail Gorbachev then president, to | | | | he rose to his feet and smiled, determined to |
| introduce glassnot and perestroika, which | | | | banish September 11's. |
| eventually led to the fall of the super | | | | |
| power. The Russians were particularly unhappy | | | | May God Bless America! |
| that Uncle Sam is now the only world's super | | | | |
| power. And they wished that China would | | | | ARTHUR ZULU, the Most Controversial Writer in |
| challenge America. After all, very soon, the | | | | the World, is the author of the best-selling |
| Emperor`s country would be the first nation | | | | book HOW TO WRITE A BEST-SELLER. |