Iran Provides "Multifaceted Response" To UN: Launches Ten Missiles

Iran provided its long-promised "multi-faceted"nuclear arsenal.
response to the proposal by Western nations thatWestern leaders, given to blindfolded optimism,
the mullahdom stop enriching uranium. A day orremained hopeful until the concrete clarity was
so before it presented its written response, thethumped onto their diplomatic tray, with German
obstreperous nation conducted war games duringChancellor Merkel again being able to comment
which ten highly photographed missiles were firedright up to the day of the response, without
in a generally westerly direction.laughing out loud, "I still hope that it will be positive,
Of course, the West had hoped for a morealthough some signals have been very confused;
obliging answer, particularly since the proposalfor instance, I'm not sure what war games and
contains an attractive package of bribes,missile firings have to do with indications of
diplomatically referred to as incentives, whichcompliance."
reportedly includes a selection of books thatWhen Iran's chief nuclear negotiator finally did
apparently are no longer readily available in thedeliver Iran's written prevarication, the diplomats
fundamentalist Islamic backwater, such as thewere disappointed to learn that, while it was
Dickens classic, A Christmas Carol.25-pages long, it did not even suggest the
Western diplomats felt that the feel-good tale ofpossibility of a moratorium on enrichment, that is,
crotchety meanness converted to enlightenedexcept the hope that the nation's coffers would
benevolence might act as a moderating force,soon be enriched by the lavish incentives. The
particularly among the gray-bearded seniordocument included, in fact, only one very lightly
members of the turbaned tyranny, who dodetectable reference to a willingness even to
remind the partial observer of Ebenezer Scroogediscuss all aspects of the nation's nuclear program.
before his sudden and celebrated reformation.German Chancellor Angela Merkel continued, "We
German Chancellor Angela Merkel commented,are still examining" the Iranian response, "but from
"We are still examining" the Iranian response, "buteverything that I hear we cannot be satisfied."
from everything that I hear we cannot beWhile diplomats in the capitals of the six powers
satisfied.behind the proposal spoke of disappointment and
Certain other hints were provided ahead of Iran'seven anger due to what they maintain is the lack
official "Bah! Humbug!" response. UN inspectorsof response to the main demand, none of the six
were turned away from the Iranian nuclear facilitynations has come right out and said the Iranian
at Natanz. In response to the affront, thecounteroffer is not adequate. In fact, Russia,
inspectors dared to maintain that their exclusionChina and France voiced their opposition to
could seriously hamper international efforts tosanctions in the hope of continuing their excellent
ensure that the determinedly confrontationaltrading relations with Iran.
regime is not trying to concoct nuclear weapons.We do hear, however, that some senior Bush
The country's Supreme Clerical Curmudgeon alsoadministration officials and Republican lawmakers
foreshadowed what the response might be whenare now voicing their displeasure that American
he stated, "The Islamic Republic of Iran has madespy agencies have not yet sounded more
its own decision and in the nuclear case - Godominous warnings about the threats they maintain
willing, (who is, as we all know, the Father of allthat Iran presents to the US. There was,
Islamic nuclear weapons), with patience andhowever, no mention in Uncle Sam's lumbering
power, will continue its path.... Arrogant powersapproach, as the idealistic US stumbles its usual
and the U.S. are putting their utmost pressure onway toward self-punishing leadership in the
Iran while knowing Iran is not pursuing nuclearcontention, that this is one pickle the Europeans
weapons but only the most peaceful uses of thehave every incentive to take the lead on, since
atomic bomb."they are, geographically speaking, much more
He went on to accuse the West of wanting toproximate to the turbaned terrorist state.
obstruct scientific progress in the Islamic worldIn order to bring more clarity to its response, Iran
and asked other Islamic countries to standmay be compelled to fire off a few more pointed
together against the West's ill-founded concernsmissives.
about just how peacefully Iran might brandish a