The United States Military Needs to Invade Norway in order to be Awarded a Nobel Peace Prize

Background:The 2005 Nobel Peace Prize wasprize, even if they do get results.What about the
awarded to the IAEA. Don't know who they are?US military? Have they ever been honored? Let's
They are the International Atomic Energyreview what they have done.1. They almost
Agency. What did they accomplish? I don't know.single-handily defeated the empire of Japan in
Did they prevent the proliferation of atomicWW II while simultaneously helping the Soviet
weapons in North Korea or Iraq? No. But theyUnion defeat Nazi Germany.
meant to and that is usually good enough for the2. Their presence in Europe after the war
Nobel Committee. These Norwegians (the Peacemaintained peace in Europe for 45 years. Has
Center is in Oslo, Norway, not StockholmEurope ever seen 45 years of peace?
Sweden) are idealists, intentions go a long way3. They were the bulwark of NATO forces that
with them.Let's review some of their otherprotected Europe (that includes Norway) from
stunning awardees.2004- Wangari Muta Maathai.Soviet invasion for 45 years.
Already forget who she was? That was just last4. They have kept the peace on the Korean
year. She is an AIDS activist and environmentalist.peninsula for the last 50 years.
No, she did not get the prize for medicine or5. They ended the Cold War and communist
chemistry. She received the prize for peace.hegemony over Eastern Europe.
Despite many advanced college degrees, she is an6. They are currently almost single-handily fighting
AIDS conspiracy nut who thinks that the virusthe international war on Islamofascism.
was created by the western governments to7. They are routinely dispatched to extinguish
destroy Africans. She was supposedly selectedsmall brush fire sized wars throughout the world.
because she drew attention to political oppression8. They are routinely dispatched to feed starving
in her fights with her home government ofcountries and respond to natural disasters such as
Kenya. Drew attention? Did she accomplishearthquakes and tsunamis.
anything?2002- Jimmy Carter. Really? For his9. They are the only peacekeepers nobody
work, where? North Korea? Haiti? Has anythingmesses with. They actually keep the peace.
really improved in those two countries since his10. They keep international sea lanes open to
visits? Maybe former president Carter and thetrade.That's only ten. I'm sure there are many
Nobel Peace Committee should move to eithermore. So here is my plan. In order to give the
Haiti or North Korea. Do you prefer to live in HaitiUnited States' military a Nobel Prize, we are going
and put up with roving gangs? Or is North Koreato have to invade the Peace Center and appoint
and their internal security forces better for you.our own committee members. Then we can
Human rights? Whatever.2001- The UN. Wheredeclare the US military the winner of a Peace
have they ever gone anywhere and made aPrize.We can probably do this without hurting
difference without the US backing them up? Butanybody. I think Norway is the only country in
they have good intentions.1994- Yassar Arafat.Europe that surrendered faster than France in
The father of modern day terrorism who1940. When we arrive on the beaches of Norway
became a multi-millionaire by stealing internationalall those Quislings will probably lie down and
aid money from his own people.1990- Mikhailsurrender.If we have to threaten the use of
Gorbachev. He thought that he could reformforce we can use this opportunity to test our
communism and make it stronger by giving hisnew F-22 Raptors and drop some bombs in their
people a little freedom. He never understood thefjords. They will surrender before we kill all of
events that unfolded. You can't give the people atheir lutefisk. Christmas is almost here and that is
little bit of freedom.1988- UN Peacekeepers. Anlutefisk season.Besides, what have the
ad-hoc group of soldiers who usually just stand byNorwegians done for anybody except send
and watch events such as genocide unfold aroundVikings out to loot, pillage, and burn villages and
them. They will do nothing without the militarymonasteries? And they don't like America. They
backing of the US. In fact, they tend to sit aroundnever have. They sailed here before anyone else
and get bored a lot. So they bide their time withand then turned around and settled Greenland
some favorite activities that include looting, rapebecause they thought that was a nicer place to
and child prostitution.1985- International Physicianslive. Sure, they tend to do well in the Winter
for the Prevention of Nuclear War. Now that is aOlympics. But that is only because every event
noble calling. One problem. This organization was arevolves around skiing and Norway is covered in
KGB puppet that was organized to try to curb USsnow for 46 weeks out of the year. This
nuclear power. It was chaired by Yevgenycoincides nicely with the 46 weeks of vacation
Chazov, a member of the Central Committee ofthe average Norwegian worker receives each
the Communist Party of the Soviet Union. Nowyear.I'm sure the United Nations would spring into
that was a pleasant group of peace lovingaction and send some peacekeepers in two or
people.Ronald Reagan. Oh no, I'm sorry, my bad.three years. We can then leave and let the
They didn't give one to him in 1985/86 when heNorwegians bitch slap them around. Meanwhile if
refused to back down to the Soviets with histhe UN tries sanctioning the US, we can sanction
SDI. Or in 1987, when he gave his "Mr. Gorbachevthem. We can withhold more of our dues, lock
Tear Down this Wall" speech. These two eventsthem out of their own building in New York City,
led to the end of World War III, aka, the Coldand make them pay their parking tickets.Don't get
War. Conservatives are not allowed to win theme started on the UN. Not today.